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Aspasia on honest matchmaking

by 399 BCE, Athens. As Xenophon tells it, through Socrates.

Where and when

by 399 BCEAthens

about 2,424 years ago

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Aspasia

, AthensAs Xenophon tells it, through Socrates

In plain words, ours

Matchmaking only works when the good things you say about each side are true. People who were fooled end up hating each other and you.

She once told me that good matchmakers are successful in making marriages only when the good reports they carry to and fro are true; false reports she would not recommend, for the victims of deception hate one another and the matchmaker too.

Xenophon, Memorabilia 2.6.36Translated by E. C. Marchant (1923)Read the full passage (Xenophon, Memorabilia 2.6.36, opens scaife.perseus.org)

What was going on, our summary

As Xenophon tells it, Socrates is talking with Critobulus, who wants help making good friends. Socrates offers to be useful in that search, but cites Aspasia to explain why he will only say true things in his favor.

Checked claim by claim against: the passage around the quote.

Related moments

In time order, with this one in its place. Each says why it is here.

  1. c. 441 BCEabout 42 years earlier Antigone on love, not hate Also about friendship and love
  2. set in 416 BCEabout 17 years earlier Socrates on Love as the best helper Also about friendship and love
  3. 404 BCEabout 5 years earlier The Thirty take power in Athens Same years
  4. 403 BCEabout 4 years earlier Democracy returns to Athens, with an amnesty Same years
  5. 399 BCEBy this year Socrates is tried, condemned and put to death Same years
  6. by 399 BCEThis momentAspasia on honest matchmaking
  7. set in 399 BCEBy this year The charge Meletus swore against Socrates Also in Athens
  8. set in 399 BCEBy this year Socrates and the oracle at Delphi Also in Athens
  9. set in 399 BCEBy this year Socrates on what makes things beautiful Also in Athens
  10. c. 386 BCEabout 13 years later Aspasia's speech on how a state shapes men More from Aspasia
  11. c. 386 BCEabout 13 years later Aspasia's speech on how Athens is ruled More from Aspasia
  12. c. 386 BCEabout 13 years later Aspasia's speech on wealth and cowardice More from Aspasia

Just before and after

The text around the quote, word for word from the same translation.

Show the passageHide the passage

Then you will permit me to say this about you to those whose friendship you desire. Now if you will give me permission to tell them besides that you are devoted to your friends and nothing gives you so much pleasure as good friends; that you take as much pride in your friends’ fair achievements as in your own, and as much pleasure in your friends’ good as in your own, and never weary of contriving it for your friend’s; and you have made up your mind that a man’s virtue consists in outdoing his friends in kindness and his enemies in mischief; then I think you will find me a useful companion in the quest of good friends. Now why do you say this to me? as if you were not free to say what you choose about me.Not so indeed: I can quote Aspasia against you.

The quote: She once told me that good matchmakers are successful in making marriages only when the good reports they carry to and fro are true; false reports she would not recommend, for the victims of deception hate one another and the matchmaker too.

I am convinced that this is sound, and so I think it is not open to me to say anything in your praise that I can’t say truthfully. It appears, Socrates, that you are the sort of friend to help me if I am in any way qualified to make friends: but if not, you won’t make up a story to help me.How do you think I shall help you best, Critobulus, by false praise, or by urging you to try to be a good man? If you don’t yet see clearly, take the following cases as illustrations.

Xenophon, Memorabilia 2.6.35–38Translated by E. C. Marchant (1923)Read the full passage (opens scaife.perseus.org)

When, and whose words

Date
by 399 BCE. Socrates recalls something Aspasia told him, so it is no later than his death in 399 BCE; Xenophon wrote the Memorabilia decades later.
Whose words
As Xenophon tells it, through Socrates. Who was Aspasia?
How this post was checked
  • The plain-words line was read against the quote alone by a second, independent pass, which found it adds no claim the quote does not make (2026-10-03).
  • Each claim in the summary was checked by an independent pass against only the material it cites.
  • The quote itself is checked by the build: word for word, once, at the cited section of the stored translation.

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